Precious Father, Lead Me Home

Head rested
Eyes falling upon the starlight
Thoughts like billows
Swelling in reflection
Wisping in contemplation
How could I have once been so foolish?
So foolish…

Lost
I was lost in the world
Away from home
Drawn to the luminosity
Adrift
Unanchored upon the symphony of the city
Where sin
and lust
thrived
Like a bee,
drawn to the radiance
Enticed by the fields
The efflorescence of temptation
To relieve the pain
How could I have been so blind?
So blind…

Exhilaration
Pushing the boundaries
Daring, thriving on the adrenaline
Driving through the rules
Trying
Testing
Teasing
the intoxication
Surrounded by the ungodly
They were so fun
I’m just having fun
To taste life to the full
Drunk with laughter
Craving for more
Distracted for the night
Limitless
Confident
What was I doing wrong?
So wrong…

Yet
Behind closed doors
That guilt
That overwhelming effervescence of guilt
That overpowering emptiness
I needed more
I felt so lonely
So unsatisfied
Still in pain…
Where were my friends then?
Something missing
In the far corners of my mind
There whispered
God…
God was missing…

What happened to me?
My knowledge of the Scriptures
I, who once taught the young
And aided the elderly
I, who burned with zeal
What happened?
What happened to me?

Ignorant, I was
Careless
Complacent
Unsighted by the canopy of the dark
In the hours when I needed You most
I turned to the world
The allures that offered but a moment of satisfaction
I turned to them
Where was I?
Where were You?

I realized
You were always there
Even at my darkest
Even at my most lost.
You preserved me
You carried me
I, who sinned against You
I, who was careless
I, who am so underserving
How can I come back?
So shameful…

I reached
In repentance I reached
Towards You my Father
And You heard me
You saved me
You brought me back
You reminded me of Your love
Like a father, You hugged me
You whispered to me
Child, I will never leave you
Child, I am here
My child, come home
You gave me a second chance
You told me to change
You gave me the strength
Are you sure Lord?
I’ve missed you, Lord…

I bowed
In desperation, I bowed
I was wrong Father
I was wrong.
I needed You, not them
In my darkest hour I needed You.
But I am here now
I have come home
You brought me home, into Your arms
You held me, You understand me
As I poured my heart, You listened to me
Father, can I come home?
Child, you can
come home

A vast sea of peace pours within me
Joy that transcends my doubt
Rivers gushing with currents from my eyes
I longed to be reunited
I longed for sweetness
I surrender, Father
I want to be with You, not them
I will change, to be with You
I will change and not go back
Because You have accepted me
Despite my errors
Despite my sin
You paved a way back
I love you, Father
I love you too, child.

My life
Now has meaning
His love in contemplation
has changed me in appreciation.
It brings me tears
When I remember His love
It brings a meaning to my service
When I remember His love
It brings me to talk of Him
When I remember His love.
Through the dark, and now into the light
He loved me
And He loves me

Looking back,
With my head rested
Eyes falling upon the starlight
I lay in sleepy tranquility
Heart filled with praise
Acknowledging reconciliation
Drifting into the peaceful wake of a new dawn
Precious Father,
Lead me home.

Shalom

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