There are a number of incidents in the Bible where we are privileged with an omniscient point of view. One of them is recorded in John 12:4-8, where Judas denounces Mary’s anointing of Jesus’ feet with costly spikenard. Not only do we see Judas’ apparent ‘righteousness’ in questioning why the oil was not sold to be given to the poor, we see his evil intentions from Jesus’ all-knowing perspective. Although the gospel of John writes that Judas was a thief, it is likely that no one at the time knew this except for Jesus. What can we learn from the dialogue that ensued?

Judas was being a hypocrite when he criticized Mary’s offering because he did not actually care about the poor at all (Jn 12:6). For this reason, Jesus had a number of ways He could have responded to Judas. He could have:

a) rebuked Judas right away, putting him to shame (recall how Jesus often rebuked the scribes and Pharisees who were hypocrites; Mt 23).
b) commanded Judas to leave Mary alone without explanation, showing His authority (recall how Jesus often gave definitive answers to which no one could reply; Mt 22:46, Lk 14:6).

Yet Jesus was both wise and gentle in His response. Even though Mary did nothing wrong, He asked Judas to forgive her even though he was the one who needed to be forgiven (the Greek word for “Let her alone” is synonymous with releasing or forgiving a person; Jn 12:7). Keep in mind that this was only between Jesus and Judas at the time, for no one knew Judas had lied about what he said.

Next, Jesus turned the focus to Himself and plainly revealed what was important, which was that He was going away soon and she had kept it for the day of His burial. Imagine today if someone was terminally ill and making funeral arrangements, and a close friend asked for money to be taken from the funeral to be given to the poor when he really meant to spend it on himself! Had Judas any conscience left, he would have felt ashamed of himself after what Jesus revealed. Again, only he and Jesus knew what was going on, for no one knew Judas intended to take the money for himself.

Essentially, Jesus had compassion on Judas and did not openly put him to shame. He also gave Judas the benefit of the doubt (though He knew the truth) and patiently reasoned that “the poor you have with you always, but Me you do not have always” (Jn 12:8). In all this, Jesus had hoped that Judas might have a change of heart, but we know he never repented and had a tragic end.

Today, even if we can see someone’s evil intent (though we know most of the time we can’t), we must be wise and gentle like Jesus. What more at other times, when people don’t actually have evil intentions? As much as someone may hurt us, Jesus has set the example for us. Here is a summary of some practical tips we can learn from Jesus on how to deal with conflicts effectively:

1. Be forgiving, even if you or someone innocent is being wronged.
2. Keep it between you and the other person. Be gentle and discreet, don’t rebuke or confront the other person.
3. Explain from your perspective, not what you know about the other person. Be patient and focus on what is important. Don’t condemn or be annoyed at the other person’s intent, even if you can see right through him or her.

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter… and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.” (Prov 25:2,15)